Jehovah-Raah, the Lord my Shepherd
This is one of my favorite names of God! While the Ambassador team, led by my sweet
sister, was in Swazi last month, I was able to occasionally join them for team
devotions at night. One particular night
that I was feeling this separation from Joy and confusing degradation of my
passion for ministry, Laura had asked the question, “How have you seen
Jehovah-raah personally provide for you?” The
immediate, childish answer inside me said, “He hasn’t.”
sister, was in Swazi last month, I was able to occasionally join them for team
devotions at night. One particular night
that I was feeling this separation from Joy and confusing degradation of my
passion for ministry, Laura had asked the question, “How have you seen
Jehovah-raah personally provide for you?” The
immediate, childish answer inside me said, “He hasn’t.”
I’ve seen the Lord my Shepherd provide in incredible,
miraculous ways for this ministry here.
I mean, even looking back two years ago when the girls home first opened
in April 2013 and seeing how much our ministry has multiplied in just two
years! And how God has been providing resources,
connections, relationships all along the way.
But when Laura asked the question, I was a little surprised by my
immediate inner response that God has not provided for me. I then realized that his provision for me
personally has been one of my points of struggle. God has never left me without and He has
prospered this ministry, but when I stopped to think about my personal needs, I
can’t even articulate them. I don’t know
what they are because they have mended completely with the ministry. So when God provides for the ministry, He
provides for me, too. But what about if
I take the ministry out of the picture?
The ministry has become my life and has become me. When people ask what I need, my first
response is always something our non-profit needs or our girls need. But me?
Good question. What do I
need? So I asked God, “What do I need?” Who am I anymore? Who am I apart from this ministry?
miraculous ways for this ministry here.
I mean, even looking back two years ago when the girls home first opened
in April 2013 and seeing how much our ministry has multiplied in just two
years! And how God has been providing resources,
connections, relationships all along the way.
But when Laura asked the question, I was a little surprised by my
immediate inner response that God has not provided for me. I then realized that his provision for me
personally has been one of my points of struggle. God has never left me without and He has
prospered this ministry, but when I stopped to think about my personal needs, I
can’t even articulate them. I don’t know
what they are because they have mended completely with the ministry. So when God provides for the ministry, He
provides for me, too. But what about if
I take the ministry out of the picture?
The ministry has become my life and has become me. When people ask what I need, my first
response is always something our non-profit needs or our girls need. But me?
Good question. What do I
need? So I asked God, “What do I need?” Who am I anymore? Who am I apart from this ministry?
So I told God, “I need encouragement. I need words of love and joy and
comfort.”
comfort.”
Jehovah-raah, the Lord my Shepherd, he heard my plea and
provided:
provided:
After not hearing from a Swazi friend for a while, I
randomly got this message on my phone one morning: “Good morning to my darling
daughter of our Daddy in heaven! Stay
the path baby stay the path. The best is
yet to come!”
randomly got this message on my phone one morning: “Good morning to my darling
daughter of our Daddy in heaven! Stay
the path baby stay the path. The best is
yet to come!”
Then a few days later when I was dropping Johannes off,
he starting showering me with encouragement and compliments, thanking me for
everything I’ve done for them. I was
quite surprised. He said, “I want to be
the old Johannes who helped you out.” He
then asked, “Do you know why you still don’t have a husband?”
he starting showering me with encouragement and compliments, thanking me for
everything I’ve done for them. I was
quite surprised. He said, “I want to be
the old Johannes who helped you out.” He
then asked, “Do you know why you still don’t have a husband?”
I was a little put off by the comment but
responded, “I guess it’s not the Lord’s plan yet.”
responded, “I guess it’s not the Lord’s plan yet.”
He said, “Well, it’s because God’s still
working on him, making him right for you.
Be patient.” Keep in mind, I
hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting a husband to Johannes, but once in a
while it definitely can been a bit of a sore point in relationship with
God.
working on him, making him right for you.
Be patient.” Keep in mind, I
hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting a husband to Johannes, but once in a
while it definitely can been a bit of a sore point in relationship with
God.
On Wednesday, my basketball team decided to have a
get-together where we had a braai and a meeting about the future of our team
and what we want to do this year, etc.
It ended up being the exact answer to prayer about needing to know who I am
apart from ministry. Well, this
basketball team is about the only community I feel like loves me simply for me
and not what I do. It’s so freeing and
uplifting to be with them. We spent 6
hours together and it was one of the best days I’ve had since being back!
get-together where we had a braai and a meeting about the future of our team
and what we want to do this year, etc.
It ended up being the exact answer to prayer about needing to know who I am
apart from ministry. Well, this
basketball team is about the only community I feel like loves me simply for me
and not what I do. It’s so freeing and
uplifting to be with them. We spent 6
hours together and it was one of the best days I’ve had since being back!
On Thursday, I started teaching again. Oh, how glorious! The students submitted semester one
reflections and as I read, one student wrote about a conversation he had had
with another student. “She is the reason
why I woke up today,” the other student had told him. He offered me words of appreciation and
commitment to pray for me. This is my
other community in Swaziland that is a reciprocal relationship, where it is not
just an outpouring, but they return the blessing sevenfold! I always feel so filled when I am with
them.
reflections and as I read, one student wrote about a conversation he had had
with another student. “She is the reason
why I woke up today,” the other student had told him. He offered me words of appreciation and
commitment to pray for me. This is my
other community in Swaziland that is a reciprocal relationship, where it is not
just an outpouring, but they return the blessing sevenfold! I always feel so filled when I am with
them.
Jehovah-raah, thank you for loving me, caring for me,
leading me to still waters, making me lie down in green pastures and restoring
my soul. Your love is enough. I shall not be in want.
leading me to still waters, making me lie down in green pastures and restoring
my soul. Your love is enough. I shall not be in want.
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| My wonderful, beautiful, crazy basketball family |
Kate, I am glad you have been given the "Grace" to see where God is blessing you personally.
I can (and I am sure most moms can relate to what you have written and what you are experiencing).
Sometimes being a mom means stripping yourself of many things to be available to those children that you have been blessed to raise. The stripping of oneself can be and is painful at times, but when you are open and Graced with the vision to see the whole picture you can indeed see God in the other areas of your life. It's kind of funny, when people ask how I am doing or what I have been up to lately, I STILL talk about what each one of you are doing and how each one of you are living your life for Christ. I still connect my personal life with the lives of my children as you are my life's mission in serving God.
Love you, Mom