Journals Continued: Cries of my Heart

4-19-11 Tuesday

I am in such agony. My heart hurts because I don’t have much time left here. Jesus, I need your hope and grace and strength so desperately. Jehovah-Rapha, heal my breaking heart. Hear my desperate cries–the words that are so heavy with sorrow that they cannot make it to my lips. I need you near me. It is not by me or my strength that Tenele will be saved, but I yearn so desperately to see you touch and change her life.

I feel so stupid sometimes for crying this much. I’m trying too hard, planning too much, when my plans will come to nothing. I feel so alone and so frustrated because even though I know I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself to do things as if it depends only on me, at the same time I am so FRUSTRATED at people because who else will do it if I don’t? WHERE IS THE HELP? WHERE IS SOMEONE TO HELP ME? I realized I am frustrated at others for not caring or helping theses girls that need desperate help…for not being moved to come or help…or…anything.

Your words, O my God, are beautiful. May these words no just be true in prophecy of Jerusalem, but of your daughter, Tenele:

For Zion [TENELE’S] sake I will not be silent. For Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet, until her [Tenele] vindication shine forth like the dawn and her victory like a burning torch.

Nations shall behold your vindication and kings your glory; you [Tenele] shall be called by a new name pronounced by the mouth of the Lord. You shall be a glorious crown in the hand of the Lord, a royal diadem held by your God.

No more shall men call you “Forsaken” or your land “Desolate” but you shall be called “My DELIGHT” and your land “ESPOUSED” for the Lord delights in you, and makes your land his spouse… your God rejoice in YOU.”

Oh how deeply beautiful are your words. Let them touch and heal my heart. Let them fall by the Holy Spirit onto Tenele’s soul, and Masterful Father, let these words be truth over her life as you set her free.

4-26-11 Tuesday
Lord, my heart is so heavy. I am loosing strength and hope. I know you are faithful and I know you are working, but I’m getting exhausted waiting for you deliverance. why haven’t you set Tenele free? Why is my heart bitter and broken? Heal me, Jesus. Let me feel you near.

4-28-11 Thursday
God you are so good! Your faithfulness is incredible. Let you Word continue to fulfill your will and set Tenele free. Thank you, Jesus, for your guidance, love, and grace. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for paving and guiding every moment with Tenele today. I. Love. You. So. Much!
All yours,

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